All love lost.

Face down, twiddling thumbs, sweaty, clammy palms clasping each other, legs shaking in symphony with a pneumatic drill. Yes, Nilesh was a nervous wreck. He hadn’t rehearsed it, he didn’t believe in it. Nor was he someone who could come up with the most Shakespearean of lines in a flash to make her melt right in the corridor. He believed impromptu was the best and most truthful way to go about it. “What the fuck are you nervous for then, dumbass?”, Nilesh wondered, as he kept glancing down the hallway.

“ You’ve known her for a few months now. What’s with the hesitancy?”

“ Yea dude, but still.”

“ To hell with your But Stills. Just go and tell her already.”

“ Mmm Yea, I guess I should”

“ No guessing, do it man. You fancy her, you love her. Unless you say it out loud, you will be caught in that dark, desolate, distracting web of unrequited love. “

“ Mmm. Such fancy terms. But, What if?”

“ Oh Fuck your But Stills, and What Ifs”

“ Let me finish, dude”

“ Oh, there she is. Yes. Go ahead. Do it. DO It, DO IT. “

Nilesh, sweating like a pig and shivering inside, looked up. Piyali was indeed there, at the end of the corridor, walking towards him, with a couple of her friends in tow. There was a glint in his eyes, but an insurmountable jumpiness was taking him over.

“Oh Shit, This is happening. No, I’m not going to do this”

“ You fucking Idiot, you waited for this long. GO tell her”

“ No, No. No way. I can’t do this. Let’s get back to our den”

Just as he turned around to move his ass out of the place,

“No. You’re telling her today. It’s simple. Just ask her out. Just tell her that you fancy her, and would love to know more about her. It isn’t difficult”

“Oh, It is. It is. Just look at her man. She is perfect. I don’t stand a chance. She’ll probably laugh me off”

“ Don’t make stupid, pathetic conclusions. Tell her what u feel. For god sake, you are annoying me now”

“ Cmon dude, you can’t be serious. Look at her, she looks so fucking beautiful. And I, I look like a chipmunk that got run over by a herd of Migrating American Bisons.”

“ For the last time man, it doesn’t matter. You’re a nice guy, just tell her, man. You’ve got nothing to lose.”

“You know what. You might be right. I have nothing to lose. Thanks man. Let’s do it.”

So, Nilesh putting up a brave front, plastered his most confident face, took a deep breath, and turned around.

4 years later

“Hey Nilesh, what are you doing here?”, asked Piyali, with a dazzling smile.

Man, she is pretty, and perfect. Pretty perfect.

“Piyali. Good to see you. Nothing, just wafting.”, there was the same glint in his eyes. Things don’t change sometimes, do they?

“So good to see you, Piyali”, said Nilesh.

“Did you just say the same thing twice? You can be a hopeless idiot at times.”

“I know it, Nilesh. It’s always good to see me. Hey, I came to know that you have changed jobs a month back? Congrats man, I know how much you were brooding about it”, said Piyali, with that same bright, dazzling, genuine smile.

Wow. She remembers. She does give a damn about me. That feels good.

“ Hey thanks, Piyali. Yea, finally got a way around it. In a much better place now.”, said the “Caught in Piyali’s infectious smile” Nilesh.

“ Awesome. Alright then, I got to get moving. Work to tend to. I’ll see you around”, Piyali gave Nilesh a hug, and started walking away.

“ Tell her, man. At least now.”

“ Piyali !!”, Nilesh called out.

“ Yes?”

“Phew, finally. Good for him”

“ Nothing. It was good to see you today. Drive safe. Cya”, blurted Nilesh with a vain, little smile.

Piyali nodded, smiled back, waved her hand, and kept walking; oblivious to the unspoken, unvoiced, boxed love that Nilesh had in his heart for her.

Nilesh kept looking at Piyali walking away, till her shadows disappeared into the horizon. Then he stared into the emptiness some more. He gave himself a wry smile, shook his head and pinched himself on his insides, for yet another opportunity was squandered to let her know of his love. 

Yes. Things don’t change sometimes. And sometimes, they’re for the worse. 

An Open Letter to Fair and Lovely

Dear Fair n Lovely,

I had the chance to see your latest advert. Firstly, kudos for moving away from the “Rs.5 Crore” challenge, because it wasn’t just a recipe for disaster,the whole idea also seemed thoughtless. Also, how did you zero in on Yami Gautam as your brand ambassador? She is stunning and is one of the few, very few good decisions you have made.

Moving on, the new ad. Let me run it down for you. It starts with a dad-daughter pair finishing their morning run and the dad throwing the dreaded “Shaadi karlo beta” question (The daughter/main protagonist is dusky / brown). You guys finally decided to move out of that fairytalesque lab, which appears so bright and white that it might have gobbled up a month’s supply of Fair and Lovely, for all one knows. Good change that. The daughter throws the clichéd “But, I want to work, make a living” retort, dad goes on a “The guy I have found for you has all that” riposte. Daughter sulks and goes to meet her fairer than an “Irish on a gloomy, snowy winter day” friend, who else but Yami Gautam.

Yami does what she does best, plays the Fair and Lovely Card with that quirky smirk, and asks her friend to accept her dad’s proposal & marry. Then, we have the “La laa laa la laaaaaaa” background music, as the daughter walks with an unbelievable confidence and strut in her walk. The daughter is now looking like she underwent a "Vanilla Ice Cream & Snow concoct" facial, the radiance is unreal. She tells her father that she is ready for marriage, but after 3 years, when she is as successful as her would-be husband. The father is awed by his daughter’s new found confidence and is rendered speechless, her mother gives a wry smile, and the daughter walks back, beaming, midst the “la laaa la laaa laa” BGM.

Whew. You guys seem to have put some serious thought into it. Now, let me not play the Racist card. I believe you have had to face quite a bit of that backlash, and I have myself made a sly racist comment earlier in this letter. So, better I stay away from it. I understand that yours is a fairness cream, and you need to propagate the idea of fairness as a plus through your ads. I understand that you cater to the Indian Market, which has an unhealthy fetish with fair skin. Nevertheless, what I don’t understand or like is, why you need to do so at the behest of the “Not so Fair” people.

It is okay to show a fair skinned person as confident, brave and outspoken. It is not okay to show a dusky person as under-confident and easily flappable. It is okay to show a fair-skinned woman as the most sought after chick in college/office. It is not okay to show a dark-skinned woman being ridiculed by guys because of her skin colour. It is okay to show a fair skinned woman making a guy fall heads over heels on first sight, and get on his knees straightaway. It is not okay to show a dusky-skinned woman being asked by her friend to use a fairness cream, and get fair in order to get the guy of her dreams.

I get it that, this particular stereotype has always existed in the consumer’s minds, and it is not something that you guys created. But wouldn’t it be better that as a socially conscious brand (as evident from your Fair and Lovely Foundation initiative), you work towards eliminating stereotypes and not acknowledging and leeching on it? Food for thought, maybe.

I know enough people who aren’t exactly what you would call fair, but are amazingly lovely and confident folks. And they most certainly aren’t from the “Fair Skin equals beauty, success and confidence” school of thought. So, It would be really nice if you give your ad guys a bit of a jostle and ask them to come up with something better and less stereotypical. You guys need to be a bit “fair” now, don’t you?

Cheers,

Me

P.S – Yami Gautham is awesome. Please don’t change her. 

Randy loved Candies !!

There once lived a little 5 year old kid, Randy, and he loved candies. He loved them in all shapes, sizes and colours. He was fixated on its texture and its perceived taste. Yes, perceived as he had actually never had a candy till date. But yes, Randy loved candies.

Why? Randy had heard all sorts of deadly stories about candies. Tooth decay, bowel misbehavior; people who eat candies are bad people; eat too much candies and boogeyman will come and get you, etc. The list could go on. His dad, his elder sister, his aunt, uncle, just about everyone warned him not to eat candies. But most importantly, his mom had cautioned him against it. Randy loved his mom the most and would listen to anything she said. But then, he loved candies too.

One fine day, Randy’s mom announced “I am heading to the supermarket, anyone wants anything?” Randy wanted candies. But he couldn’t explicitly say it out loud. So, he hatched a devious little plan, walked up to his mom and said “Mom, Can I come with you to the supermarket”. “Of course, my darling”, said his mom. Randy’s eyes alighted. He could imagine himself sitting on a little red table, with a bowl full of candies, carefully unwrapping each one of them, placing them ever so smoothly onto his tongue and savouring the succulent, delectable, assortment of tastes the candies had in them. Randy was almost in a psychedelic trance. His eyes were closed, he had a subconscious smile on his face, and his mouth was watering. “Randy? Let’s go”, called out his mom. Randy exited from the trance, but the smile was firmly plastered on his face. Today was going to be a good day. After all, Randy loved candies.

Enroute the Supermarket, Randy was sitting in the backseat of the car and going through the nitty-gritties of his master plan in his head. He was convinced it was foolproof, and even his mom wouldn’t be able to see through it. He thought to himself, “Why hasn’t this idea passed through my brain before?”. But then probably, the wait was worth it. He was picturing Candy headed minions welcoming him with open arms. Boy, weren't they inviting. This was it. Randy's love for candies was going to be realized, pretty soon. His little heart was pumping with joy, anxiety and restlessness. After all, Randy loved candies.

After what seemed like an eternity but was just about 15 minutes, Randy's mom parked the car and made her way to the supermarket along with her little boy. Randy made his final mental preparations, ran through all his rehearsed dialogues and the facial expressions he had to adapt. He wanted to be sure he wouldn't make of mess of it. As mom was fiddling around in the grocery section, Randy got ready to put his plan to action. He summoned his best puppy dog face, tilted his neck ever so slightly, and held his mom's hand, “ Mom, Can I go check out the toys section?”. “Pleeaaaaseeeee?”, he added in the most adorable of voices. “No Sweetie, you shouldn't be going there alone. Stick around with me”, said his mom. Wait, what? This was not what he had imagined. He couldn't believe his plan got screwed up this easily. He closed his eyes in despair. But then, he saw the candy minion beaming at him and urging him to give another shot. Afterall, Randy loved candies.

Randy opened his eyes and “Please mom, I promise I won't do anything naughty. I will be a good boy and just play in the toys section. Pleaaasee?” The puppy dog eyes were in full force now. “Awwww. Okay sweetheart. But don't wander around. You remember Boogeyman right? I will be with you in 15 minutes sweetie”, said his mom. Randy brought forward his most charming face and went “Thanks Mom”. The first part of the plan was successful. Now was the time for deceit. Who wanted to go to the toys section, when it was the confectionery section that was beckoning him. His masterful plan had worked. He had conned and misled his mom with his incredibly slick acting finesse. His love was going to be realized. He double checked if his mom was still in detectable distance, and slyly made his way to the confectionery, No, Candy section. Oh yes, Did I say that Randy loved candies?

As he set out on his expedition, he was being guided by the Candy Minion. It was almost like he just knew where exactly the section was. And there it was. He could see it now. About 3 shelves in front, his precious was lying there in all its glory. It was glistening, it was inviting, it was enticing, It was seductive. It was beckoning him .A few paces away from him was lying the one thing that Randy would have made a horcrux of, if he were “You Know Who”. It was tantalizing, alluring. It was his crown jewel. It was one big packet of candies. Candies. CANDIES. One Big red packet of Candies. He began the slow walk towards it. He didn't want to rush it. He wanted to savour every bit of this monumental experience. He wanted to live the moment, while it was. Yes, you got it. Randy loved candies.

It was now just a couple of strides away. His lips went from a smile, to a grin, and then to a beam. This was it. In a few seconds from now, a candy would find its way onto Randy’s tongue, where it shall unwind and blend with his saliva and spread the succinct , delectable, exquisite tastes n colours all around his mouth, sending shivers down his spine, giving orgasmic pleasures to his brain cells and tingling each and every nerve in his body. Boi, Randy was enjoying every bit of it. Amidst the glut of thoughts, he had reached the shelf wherein lay the love of his 5 year life. “Randy loves candies”, he thought to himself.

Randy was on his toes, he stretched his tiny arms trying to reach THAT packet. Time seemed to have frozen around him, everything was moving in slow motion. He stretched, stretched and then stretched some more. His little hands had almost reached the packet of candies. He could touch the tip of the packet now. “Just a little more, Randy. just a little more”, the candy minion urged him. With all his might and ability, he pushed himself further than he ever had. The candies that Randy so dearly loved were going to be his, soon.

But then, “Mummy, Look. Candies. These will be perfect for my Birthday party”, a bigger, outstretched arm overtook Randy’s arm to the finish line, and grabbed that packet of candies. The tip of the packet escaped from Randy’s grasp, and the bigger arm had it in its grasp, as Randy looked on with utter dismay, and trepidation. He followed the projectile path that the packet followed all the way to the trolley, where it landed with a rather softening thud, as it was released off the grip of the bigger arm. Life had unfrozen, everything was back to normal. From a wide beam, Randy’s face now looked gloomy, morose and heartbroken. That was the only candy packet in that section, and to make things worse “Randy, What are you doing here”, bellowed his mom, as she caught him in his failed endeavor. His wily, masterful plan had failed. He was near, just a couple of fingertips away, but his destiny was stolen from him. The bigger arm guy had stolen it from him. “Nothing mom, I lost my way”, said Randy, as he ran and hugged his mom. Why was life so unfair to him, why couldn’t he ever get his peace of mind, why was the world conspiring against him? Candies were like Road Runner to Randy’s Wile.E.Coyote. No matter how hard he tried, he never was able to get a hold of them.

Randy still hadn’t tasted a candy. But then, Randy loved candies.       

Resources & Body Shopping? STOP using these terms!!

I have been a part of the almighty Indian IT industry for nearly 2 years now. I used to wonder why this huge bunch of dreamy eyed engineering college students chase the big fat IT company dream. It was akin to Bollywood’s classic “poor boy chases rich girl” scenario. It all sounded stupid. Now, I no longer wonder. I just know that it’s stupid. Seeking help from a classic cliché, it’s akin to digging your own grave.

This won’t be a rant on the shortcomings or idiosyncrasies of the IT Industry; that would require me to write a book. I would like to bring up one particularly pointless and convoluted part of corporate life, Office Jargon. There are 2 such jargons, which are mostly specific to the IT industry, i.e. “Resource” and “Body-Shopping”. For those who don’t know, a resource is a tag given for an individual with any specific skill-set; i.e. a person skilled in .Net becomes a .Net Resource. Body Shopping is when such “resources” are placed in the client location, to fill up vacancies in their IT organization.

I find both these references as extremely denigrating to the employees. I do understand that for an IT company to function, it does need to do the dirty work of its clients; hence hire people trained in certain skill sets and/or send them abroad to work in their client locations. But labeling them as resources or bodies, commoditizing human beings under the context of making profits for an organization, a non-living entity, is as belittling as it gets.

Any organization prides itself on its professional ethics. But dehumanizing their employees by tagging them as resources/bodies?  Will never sit right with me. What could the alternatives be? .Net Skilled professionals? I don’t know, it could be anything but resources. As for body shopping, just ban the abominable term. It sounds like something a cannibalistic clan would go about doing on a Saturday evening.

Relationships and Choice Blindness

Choice Blindness is a highly prominent psychology study that tries to explain how and why people make their choices. When we make choices, we try our best to defend by providing a vivid assortment of reasons. But do we actually know why we choose what we choose, or are we just blind to our preferences?

Peter Johansson, a renowned psychologist conducted an experiment in this regard. The results suggest that Choice Blindness falls under a much broader phenomenon, known Introspective Illusion. Most of us think that we know why we like a certain something, or why we feel the way we do. But the truth is, we are unaware of the origins of our own mental state, more often than not. And when we are pressed hard for an explanation for our choices/preferences, we just make things up. Or should I say, our brain makes things up for us.

Now, let’s look at the one thing which, according to me, is the most important part of our lives. Relationships. The friends we make and the special one we find for ourselves; once, twice, thrice, that depends on the individual. Think of that one closest friend of yours, or your better half. Now, try to think of why he/she is your best friend or how he did/she turn out to be your better half. You might come up with answers like they are interesting, share common interests, share common enemies, both of you like the same pizza, he/she is the most attractive person you know etc. Now, think this. Is it really true that of all the people you have met or come across, they are the only ones who share common interests with you, or are indeed the most Interesting people you have met? Are they indeed the most attractive person you know , or the person you think best fits your interests? Think a bit more, and you will almost certainly come up with a NO.

Why does this happen? How is that you choose that one person as your best friend or your better half, when you can be pretty sure that they actually aren't the best fit, and the reasons you gave are bullshit? Well, you can’t really blame yourself. It’s your brain that’s doing the dirty work for you, Choice Blindness to be more precise. You are oblivious to the choices you make, and when asked about the reasons, you try to justify yourselves with the random gibberish. That is the beauty of relationships, and that is how the best of relationships are forged.

However, Choice Blindness doesn't always happen. There are times when we should be seeking rationale before making our choices. For example, while going to buy a TV we can’t switch ourselves off and let the brain take the decision on its own. That has the potential to lead to a disastrous purchase decision. But when it comes to relationships, I believe seeking rationale or trying to justify it is often the cause of it breaking down. The more reason and/or justification we try to put forth for our friendship/relationship, it just means that the bond is weak and you would actually be better off without it.

And this, following from my previous blog, is why one should never seek for love or look to “make” friends. Because once you do that, you would actually be having preconceived notions and expectations on how the other person should be, and that will quite certainly, never lead to a happy, successful relationship. Yes, It is very much easier said than done, But as I have said earlier, just go with the flow. Your brain will do the rest ;)          

Love!! or Some such Thing!!

I don't believe in the idea of dating or courting. Two reasons – 1) I don't think they are the best ways of finding love, or rather Love isn't something that can be “found” 2) I don't think I am skilled enough to find a date for myself.

Let me put out a disclaimer right at the beginning. You may very well consider this blog as the author's attempt to console himself for reason No. 2, by trying to justify reason No. 1. But go ahead and give it a read anyway. You might find a couple of things that might make a wee bit of sense to everyone.

Love often starts when the guy/girl fancies a girl/guy and goes out of his/her way to impress her/him. And right here, It starts going all wrong for me. I mean if one has to “Impress” someone else to get their attention, Isn't it more of attraction than love?

Yes, your argument is absolutely valid if you say attraction is the ignition to the menagerie that is Love. People start to know each other better in the attraction stage, and from thereon it may or may not grow into love. If it does, good for them. If it doesn't, there might be a mini depression period. But eventually, they grow out of the attraction stage and try courting someone else they find “attractive”. Fair enough, but somehow It just doesn't ring the right bells in my brain.

There has been quite a lot written about love, articles, poems, verses and what not. Pablo Neruda, Oscar Wilde, Emily Dickson and likes have written everything there is possibly there to be written about love. I'll never be even an iota of a percentage as erudite as them, but here is my humble attempt to answer the “What is Love?” question.

Love doesn't start with a chase or “attraction”. Love begins with friendship. Love is not when you get attracted to someone of the opposite sex and feel the need to know more about them. Love is when you are attracted to them because you know enough about them. Love is not picking up your phone, texting/calling your better half 5 times a day. Love is most certainly not getting “upset” or “angry” because they didn’t reply to your text/call as they were busy. Love is trusting them enough, to understand they are busy, and that they will have a multitude of stories to tell when they do get back to you.

Love is not about going out of the way and “proving” you to be the best for them. Love is about being the best for them. I mean if you really have to prove something to a person, It can never be love. Love is not when you feel the need to get intimate or physical at every other instance. Love is when you get the orgasmic pleasure just by having long conversations with them. Love is not when you wish to hang out in theatres, malls and such "cool" places with your better half, on a date. Love is when a cup of coffee, a table and a random, meandering conversation is all you need to make a perfect date.

Having things in common isn’t a predecessor to love. Finding things in common with someone, that you never thought possible, might be one. Love is not about making them feel special. Love is when their mere presence is "special". Love doesn’t strike with innumerable phone calls/messages or the latest in thing, Whatsapp. Love is when you don’t yet know, that you are in Love.

So, never chase or be chased. It might lead you to finding a partner for life, but Love? Not quite so. Meet people. Make friends. Friends like you for who you are, you needn’t “impress” them to grab their attention. Just go with the flow. Who knows, 6 months/2 years/ 5 years or maybe even 10 years down the line, you might find your Love. A friendship that grows into love has to be the strongest and the most everlasting of bonds.

The Delectable Tale that is The Lunchbox

Dear Mr.Ritesh Batra, Where were you all this while?

The Lunchbox makes one ask this question. The movie is alluring, yet poignant. Remorseful, yet fulfilling. When you leave the movie theatre and head back home, The Lunchbox gives you a bittersweet feeling.

A bit on the premise of the movie. The Lunchbox is about two lonesome individuals; Saajan Fernandes, a widower approaching his retirement and stuck in an extremely mundane, desolate life and Ila, a housewife & caring mother, neglected by her husband due to his extra-marital affair. The story is centered on the dabbawalas delivering Ila’s dabba, meant for her husband, to a wrong address, i.e. to Saajan. When she realizes that the meal she had prepared for her loving husband was eaten by someone else, she writes a small note along with the dabba the next day. Saajan writes back and the irresistibly sweet tale of the budding friendship/love of two strangers commences. They exchange notes daily sharing with each other their lives, loneliness, dreams and memories of their dear ones. Go watch the movie and don’t wait for me to let out the entire story.

Performances. We all know the genius that Irfan Khan is. In one of his best performances till date, Irfan as Saajan makes a really complex character come to life with ease. His expressions, melancholy in his eyes and his body language as a loner, right upto the slight changes in his mannerisms when he opens up to Ila and falls in love with her. Phenomenal. In one of his letters to Ila, he writes “We forget things when there is no one to tell them to”. He emancipates this, through his performance.

Nimrat Kaur as Ila, is exceptionally good. Her performance as a house wife framed by neglect, stuck within the realms of her house is near perfect. She embodies the spirit of lacs of housewives who don’t often get to experience the kind of world many of us take for granted. The couple of scenes where she interacts with her mother (played by Lilette Dubey), her subtle expressions are a treat to watch.

Nawazuddin Siddique as Shaikh gives a charming performance. Shaikh is the cheery, optimistic guy poised to take over from Saajan at work. His attempts at bonding with Saajan, in spite of the latter’s reluctance, are endearing & funny to watch. He does absolutely no harm to his claims as one of the finest actors in the country at present.  There is also Auntyji, who lives right above Ila’s house and keeps giving her tips on cooking. She is the one who gives Ila the idea to send Saajan a letter to start with. I wish I could  thank Auntyji for that, but the movie doesn't give a face to her voice.

The real hero of the movie is debutant director, Ritesh Batra and his magnificent script. In an age of whatsapp, SMSes and Social Media, he scripts a charming love story relying on hand written letters hidden in lunchboxes. His story gives one an essence of the loneliness that harbors inside an individual, in the hustle-bustle of metros and how their lives go on with the hope, that someday things will get better. His treatment of the characters shows his understanding of the complexity of human emotions. One can’t wait to see what he has in store for us next.

I’ll give The Lunchbox a 5 on 5. It is one of the best love stories ever told in Indian cinema. It teaches you about love in the most subtle of ways. Go watch it, they don’t make them like this anymore.