All love lost.

Face down, twiddling thumbs, sweaty, clammy palms clasping each other, legs shaking in symphony with a pneumatic drill. Yes, Nilesh was a nervous wreck. He hadn’t rehearsed it, he didn’t believe in it. Nor was he someone who could come up with the most Shakespearean of lines in a flash to make her melt right in the corridor. He believed impromptu was the best and most truthful way to go about it. “What the fuck are you nervous for then, dumbass?”, Nilesh wondered, as he kept glancing down the hallway.

“ You’ve known her for a few months now. What’s with the hesitancy?”

“ Yea dude, but still.”

“ To hell with your But Stills. Just go and tell her already.”

“ Mmm Yea, I guess I should”

“ No guessing, do it man. You fancy her, you love her. Unless you say it out loud, you will be caught in that dark, desolate, distracting web of unrequited love. “

“ Mmm. Such fancy terms. But, What if?”

“ Oh Fuck your But Stills, and What Ifs”

“ Let me finish, dude”

“ Oh, there she is. Yes. Go ahead. Do it. DO It, DO IT. “

Nilesh, sweating like a pig and shivering inside, looked up. Piyali was indeed there, at the end of the corridor, walking towards him, with a couple of her friends in tow. There was a glint in his eyes, but an insurmountable jumpiness was taking him over.

“Oh Shit, This is happening. No, I’m not going to do this”

“ You fucking Idiot, you waited for this long. GO tell her”

“ No, No. No way. I can’t do this. Let’s get back to our den”

Just as he turned around to move his ass out of the place,

“No. You’re telling her today. It’s simple. Just ask her out. Just tell her that you fancy her, and would love to know more about her. It isn’t difficult”

“Oh, It is. It is. Just look at her man. She is perfect. I don’t stand a chance. She’ll probably laugh me off”

“ Don’t make stupid, pathetic conclusions. Tell her what u feel. For god sake, you are annoying me now”

“ Cmon dude, you can’t be serious. Look at her, she looks so fucking beautiful. And I, I look like a chipmunk that got run over by a herd of Migrating American Bisons.”

“ For the last time man, it doesn’t matter. You’re a nice guy, just tell her, man. You’ve got nothing to lose.”

“You know what. You might be right. I have nothing to lose. Thanks man. Let’s do it.”

So, Nilesh putting up a brave front, plastered his most confident face, took a deep breath, and turned around.

4 years later

“Hey Nilesh, what are you doing here?”, asked Piyali, with a dazzling smile.

Man, she is pretty, and perfect. Pretty perfect.

“Piyali. Good to see you. Nothing, just wafting.”, there was the same glint in his eyes. Things don’t change sometimes, do they?

“So good to see you, Piyali”, said Nilesh.

“Did you just say the same thing twice? You can be a hopeless idiot at times.”

“I know it, Nilesh. It’s always good to see me. Hey, I came to know that you have changed jobs a month back? Congrats man, I know how much you were brooding about it”, said Piyali, with that same bright, dazzling, genuine smile.

Wow. She remembers. She does give a damn about me. That feels good.

“ Hey thanks, Piyali. Yea, finally got a way around it. In a much better place now.”, said the “Caught in Piyali’s infectious smile” Nilesh.

“ Awesome. Alright then, I got to get moving. Work to tend to. I’ll see you around”, Piyali gave Nilesh a hug, and started walking away.

“ Tell her, man. At least now.”

“ Piyali !!”, Nilesh called out.

“ Yes?”

“Phew, finally. Good for him”

“ Nothing. It was good to see you today. Drive safe. Cya”, blurted Nilesh with a vain, little smile.

Piyali nodded, smiled back, waved her hand, and kept walking; oblivious to the unspoken, unvoiced, boxed love that Nilesh had in his heart for her.

Nilesh kept looking at Piyali walking away, till her shadows disappeared into the horizon. Then he stared into the emptiness some more. He gave himself a wry smile, shook his head and pinched himself on his insides, for yet another opportunity was squandered to let her know of his love. 

Yes. Things don’t change sometimes. And sometimes, they’re for the worse. 

Love!! or Some such Thing!!

I don't believe in the idea of dating or courting. Two reasons – 1) I don't think they are the best ways of finding love, or rather Love isn't something that can be “found” 2) I don't think I am skilled enough to find a date for myself.

Let me put out a disclaimer right at the beginning. You may very well consider this blog as the author's attempt to console himself for reason No. 2, by trying to justify reason No. 1. But go ahead and give it a read anyway. You might find a couple of things that might make a wee bit of sense to everyone.

Love often starts when the guy/girl fancies a girl/guy and goes out of his/her way to impress her/him. And right here, It starts going all wrong for me. I mean if one has to “Impress” someone else to get their attention, Isn't it more of attraction than love?

Yes, your argument is absolutely valid if you say attraction is the ignition to the menagerie that is Love. People start to know each other better in the attraction stage, and from thereon it may or may not grow into love. If it does, good for them. If it doesn't, there might be a mini depression period. But eventually, they grow out of the attraction stage and try courting someone else they find “attractive”. Fair enough, but somehow It just doesn't ring the right bells in my brain.

There has been quite a lot written about love, articles, poems, verses and what not. Pablo Neruda, Oscar Wilde, Emily Dickson and likes have written everything there is possibly there to be written about love. I'll never be even an iota of a percentage as erudite as them, but here is my humble attempt to answer the “What is Love?” question.

Love doesn't start with a chase or “attraction”. Love begins with friendship. Love is not when you get attracted to someone of the opposite sex and feel the need to know more about them. Love is when you are attracted to them because you know enough about them. Love is not picking up your phone, texting/calling your better half 5 times a day. Love is most certainly not getting “upset” or “angry” because they didn’t reply to your text/call as they were busy. Love is trusting them enough, to understand they are busy, and that they will have a multitude of stories to tell when they do get back to you.

Love is not about going out of the way and “proving” you to be the best for them. Love is about being the best for them. I mean if you really have to prove something to a person, It can never be love. Love is not when you feel the need to get intimate or physical at every other instance. Love is when you get the orgasmic pleasure just by having long conversations with them. Love is not when you wish to hang out in theatres, malls and such "cool" places with your better half, on a date. Love is when a cup of coffee, a table and a random, meandering conversation is all you need to make a perfect date.

Having things in common isn’t a predecessor to love. Finding things in common with someone, that you never thought possible, might be one. Love is not about making them feel special. Love is when their mere presence is "special". Love doesn’t strike with innumerable phone calls/messages or the latest in thing, Whatsapp. Love is when you don’t yet know, that you are in Love.

So, never chase or be chased. It might lead you to finding a partner for life, but Love? Not quite so. Meet people. Make friends. Friends like you for who you are, you needn’t “impress” them to grab their attention. Just go with the flow. Who knows, 6 months/2 years/ 5 years or maybe even 10 years down the line, you might find your Love. A friendship that grows into love has to be the strongest and the most everlasting of bonds.