Randy loved Candies !!

There once lived a little 5 year old kid, Randy, and he loved candies. He loved them in all shapes, sizes and colours. He was fixated on its texture and its perceived taste. Yes, perceived as he had actually never had a candy till date. But yes, Randy loved candies.

Why? Randy had heard all sorts of deadly stories about candies. Tooth decay, bowel misbehavior; people who eat candies are bad people; eat too much candies and boogeyman will come and get you, etc. The list could go on. His dad, his elder sister, his aunt, uncle, just about everyone warned him not to eat candies. But most importantly, his mom had cautioned him against it. Randy loved his mom the most and would listen to anything she said. But then, he loved candies too.

One fine day, Randy’s mom announced “I am heading to the supermarket, anyone wants anything?” Randy wanted candies. But he couldn’t explicitly say it out loud. So, he hatched a devious little plan, walked up to his mom and said “Mom, Can I come with you to the supermarket”. “Of course, my darling”, said his mom. Randy’s eyes alighted. He could imagine himself sitting on a little red table, with a bowl full of candies, carefully unwrapping each one of them, placing them ever so smoothly onto his tongue and savouring the succulent, delectable, assortment of tastes the candies had in them. Randy was almost in a psychedelic trance. His eyes were closed, he had a subconscious smile on his face, and his mouth was watering. “Randy? Let’s go”, called out his mom. Randy exited from the trance, but the smile was firmly plastered on his face. Today was going to be a good day. After all, Randy loved candies.

Enroute the Supermarket, Randy was sitting in the backseat of the car and going through the nitty-gritties of his master plan in his head. He was convinced it was foolproof, and even his mom wouldn’t be able to see through it. He thought to himself, “Why hasn’t this idea passed through my brain before?”. But then probably, the wait was worth it. He was picturing Candy headed minions welcoming him with open arms. Boy, weren't they inviting. This was it. Randy's love for candies was going to be realized, pretty soon. His little heart was pumping with joy, anxiety and restlessness. After all, Randy loved candies.

After what seemed like an eternity but was just about 15 minutes, Randy's mom parked the car and made her way to the supermarket along with her little boy. Randy made his final mental preparations, ran through all his rehearsed dialogues and the facial expressions he had to adapt. He wanted to be sure he wouldn't make of mess of it. As mom was fiddling around in the grocery section, Randy got ready to put his plan to action. He summoned his best puppy dog face, tilted his neck ever so slightly, and held his mom's hand, “ Mom, Can I go check out the toys section?”. “Pleeaaaaseeeee?”, he added in the most adorable of voices. “No Sweetie, you shouldn't be going there alone. Stick around with me”, said his mom. Wait, what? This was not what he had imagined. He couldn't believe his plan got screwed up this easily. He closed his eyes in despair. But then, he saw the candy minion beaming at him and urging him to give another shot. Afterall, Randy loved candies.

Randy opened his eyes and “Please mom, I promise I won't do anything naughty. I will be a good boy and just play in the toys section. Pleaaasee?” The puppy dog eyes were in full force now. “Awwww. Okay sweetheart. But don't wander around. You remember Boogeyman right? I will be with you in 15 minutes sweetie”, said his mom. Randy brought forward his most charming face and went “Thanks Mom”. The first part of the plan was successful. Now was the time for deceit. Who wanted to go to the toys section, when it was the confectionery section that was beckoning him. His masterful plan had worked. He had conned and misled his mom with his incredibly slick acting finesse. His love was going to be realized. He double checked if his mom was still in detectable distance, and slyly made his way to the confectionery, No, Candy section. Oh yes, Did I say that Randy loved candies?

As he set out on his expedition, he was being guided by the Candy Minion. It was almost like he just knew where exactly the section was. And there it was. He could see it now. About 3 shelves in front, his precious was lying there in all its glory. It was glistening, it was inviting, it was enticing, It was seductive. It was beckoning him .A few paces away from him was lying the one thing that Randy would have made a horcrux of, if he were “You Know Who”. It was tantalizing, alluring. It was his crown jewel. It was one big packet of candies. Candies. CANDIES. One Big red packet of Candies. He began the slow walk towards it. He didn't want to rush it. He wanted to savour every bit of this monumental experience. He wanted to live the moment, while it was. Yes, you got it. Randy loved candies.

It was now just a couple of strides away. His lips went from a smile, to a grin, and then to a beam. This was it. In a few seconds from now, a candy would find its way onto Randy’s tongue, where it shall unwind and blend with his saliva and spread the succinct , delectable, exquisite tastes n colours all around his mouth, sending shivers down his spine, giving orgasmic pleasures to his brain cells and tingling each and every nerve in his body. Boi, Randy was enjoying every bit of it. Amidst the glut of thoughts, he had reached the shelf wherein lay the love of his 5 year life. “Randy loves candies”, he thought to himself.

Randy was on his toes, he stretched his tiny arms trying to reach THAT packet. Time seemed to have frozen around him, everything was moving in slow motion. He stretched, stretched and then stretched some more. His little hands had almost reached the packet of candies. He could touch the tip of the packet now. “Just a little more, Randy. just a little more”, the candy minion urged him. With all his might and ability, he pushed himself further than he ever had. The candies that Randy so dearly loved were going to be his, soon.

But then, “Mummy, Look. Candies. These will be perfect for my Birthday party”, a bigger, outstretched arm overtook Randy’s arm to the finish line, and grabbed that packet of candies. The tip of the packet escaped from Randy’s grasp, and the bigger arm had it in its grasp, as Randy looked on with utter dismay, and trepidation. He followed the projectile path that the packet followed all the way to the trolley, where it landed with a rather softening thud, as it was released off the grip of the bigger arm. Life had unfrozen, everything was back to normal. From a wide beam, Randy’s face now looked gloomy, morose and heartbroken. That was the only candy packet in that section, and to make things worse “Randy, What are you doing here”, bellowed his mom, as she caught him in his failed endeavor. His wily, masterful plan had failed. He was near, just a couple of fingertips away, but his destiny was stolen from him. The bigger arm guy had stolen it from him. “Nothing mom, I lost my way”, said Randy, as he ran and hugged his mom. Why was life so unfair to him, why couldn’t he ever get his peace of mind, why was the world conspiring against him? Candies were like Road Runner to Randy’s Wile.E.Coyote. No matter how hard he tried, he never was able to get a hold of them.

Randy still hadn’t tasted a candy. But then, Randy loved candies.       

Resources & Body Shopping? STOP using these terms!!

I have been a part of the almighty Indian IT industry for nearly 2 years now. I used to wonder why this huge bunch of dreamy eyed engineering college students chase the big fat IT company dream. It was akin to Bollywood’s classic “poor boy chases rich girl” scenario. It all sounded stupid. Now, I no longer wonder. I just know that it’s stupid. Seeking help from a classic cliché, it’s akin to digging your own grave.

This won’t be a rant on the shortcomings or idiosyncrasies of the IT Industry; that would require me to write a book. I would like to bring up one particularly pointless and convoluted part of corporate life, Office Jargon. There are 2 such jargons, which are mostly specific to the IT industry, i.e. “Resource” and “Body-Shopping”. For those who don’t know, a resource is a tag given for an individual with any specific skill-set; i.e. a person skilled in .Net becomes a .Net Resource. Body Shopping is when such “resources” are placed in the client location, to fill up vacancies in their IT organization.

I find both these references as extremely denigrating to the employees. I do understand that for an IT company to function, it does need to do the dirty work of its clients; hence hire people trained in certain skill sets and/or send them abroad to work in their client locations. But labeling them as resources or bodies, commoditizing human beings under the context of making profits for an organization, a non-living entity, is as belittling as it gets.

Any organization prides itself on its professional ethics. But dehumanizing their employees by tagging them as resources/bodies?  Will never sit right with me. What could the alternatives be? .Net Skilled professionals? I don’t know, it could be anything but resources. As for body shopping, just ban the abominable term. It sounds like something a cannibalistic clan would go about doing on a Saturday evening.

Relationships and Choice Blindness

Choice Blindness is a highly prominent psychology study that tries to explain how and why people make their choices. When we make choices, we try our best to defend by providing a vivid assortment of reasons. But do we actually know why we choose what we choose, or are we just blind to our preferences?

Peter Johansson, a renowned psychologist conducted an experiment in this regard. The results suggest that Choice Blindness falls under a much broader phenomenon, known Introspective Illusion. Most of us think that we know why we like a certain something, or why we feel the way we do. But the truth is, we are unaware of the origins of our own mental state, more often than not. And when we are pressed hard for an explanation for our choices/preferences, we just make things up. Or should I say, our brain makes things up for us.

Now, let’s look at the one thing which, according to me, is the most important part of our lives. Relationships. The friends we make and the special one we find for ourselves; once, twice, thrice, that depends on the individual. Think of that one closest friend of yours, or your better half. Now, try to think of why he/she is your best friend or how he did/she turn out to be your better half. You might come up with answers like they are interesting, share common interests, share common enemies, both of you like the same pizza, he/she is the most attractive person you know etc. Now, think this. Is it really true that of all the people you have met or come across, they are the only ones who share common interests with you, or are indeed the most Interesting people you have met? Are they indeed the most attractive person you know , or the person you think best fits your interests? Think a bit more, and you will almost certainly come up with a NO.

Why does this happen? How is that you choose that one person as your best friend or your better half, when you can be pretty sure that they actually aren't the best fit, and the reasons you gave are bullshit? Well, you can’t really blame yourself. It’s your brain that’s doing the dirty work for you, Choice Blindness to be more precise. You are oblivious to the choices you make, and when asked about the reasons, you try to justify yourselves with the random gibberish. That is the beauty of relationships, and that is how the best of relationships are forged.

However, Choice Blindness doesn't always happen. There are times when we should be seeking rationale before making our choices. For example, while going to buy a TV we can’t switch ourselves off and let the brain take the decision on its own. That has the potential to lead to a disastrous purchase decision. But when it comes to relationships, I believe seeking rationale or trying to justify it is often the cause of it breaking down. The more reason and/or justification we try to put forth for our friendship/relationship, it just means that the bond is weak and you would actually be better off without it.

And this, following from my previous blog, is why one should never seek for love or look to “make” friends. Because once you do that, you would actually be having preconceived notions and expectations on how the other person should be, and that will quite certainly, never lead to a happy, successful relationship. Yes, It is very much easier said than done, But as I have said earlier, just go with the flow. Your brain will do the rest ;)          

Love!! or Some such Thing!!

I don't believe in the idea of dating or courting. Two reasons – 1) I don't think they are the best ways of finding love, or rather Love isn't something that can be “found” 2) I don't think I am skilled enough to find a date for myself.

Let me put out a disclaimer right at the beginning. You may very well consider this blog as the author's attempt to console himself for reason No. 2, by trying to justify reason No. 1. But go ahead and give it a read anyway. You might find a couple of things that might make a wee bit of sense to everyone.

Love often starts when the guy/girl fancies a girl/guy and goes out of his/her way to impress her/him. And right here, It starts going all wrong for me. I mean if one has to “Impress” someone else to get their attention, Isn't it more of attraction than love?

Yes, your argument is absolutely valid if you say attraction is the ignition to the menagerie that is Love. People start to know each other better in the attraction stage, and from thereon it may or may not grow into love. If it does, good for them. If it doesn't, there might be a mini depression period. But eventually, they grow out of the attraction stage and try courting someone else they find “attractive”. Fair enough, but somehow It just doesn't ring the right bells in my brain.

There has been quite a lot written about love, articles, poems, verses and what not. Pablo Neruda, Oscar Wilde, Emily Dickson and likes have written everything there is possibly there to be written about love. I'll never be even an iota of a percentage as erudite as them, but here is my humble attempt to answer the “What is Love?” question.

Love doesn't start with a chase or “attraction”. Love begins with friendship. Love is not when you get attracted to someone of the opposite sex and feel the need to know more about them. Love is when you are attracted to them because you know enough about them. Love is not picking up your phone, texting/calling your better half 5 times a day. Love is most certainly not getting “upset” or “angry” because they didn’t reply to your text/call as they were busy. Love is trusting them enough, to understand they are busy, and that they will have a multitude of stories to tell when they do get back to you.

Love is not about going out of the way and “proving” you to be the best for them. Love is about being the best for them. I mean if you really have to prove something to a person, It can never be love. Love is not when you feel the need to get intimate or physical at every other instance. Love is when you get the orgasmic pleasure just by having long conversations with them. Love is not when you wish to hang out in theatres, malls and such "cool" places with your better half, on a date. Love is when a cup of coffee, a table and a random, meandering conversation is all you need to make a perfect date.

Having things in common isn’t a predecessor to love. Finding things in common with someone, that you never thought possible, might be one. Love is not about making them feel special. Love is when their mere presence is "special". Love doesn’t strike with innumerable phone calls/messages or the latest in thing, Whatsapp. Love is when you don’t yet know, that you are in Love.

So, never chase or be chased. It might lead you to finding a partner for life, but Love? Not quite so. Meet people. Make friends. Friends like you for who you are, you needn’t “impress” them to grab their attention. Just go with the flow. Who knows, 6 months/2 years/ 5 years or maybe even 10 years down the line, you might find your Love. A friendship that grows into love has to be the strongest and the most everlasting of bonds.

The Delectable Tale that is The Lunchbox

Dear Mr.Ritesh Batra, Where were you all this while?

The Lunchbox makes one ask this question. The movie is alluring, yet poignant. Remorseful, yet fulfilling. When you leave the movie theatre and head back home, The Lunchbox gives you a bittersweet feeling.

A bit on the premise of the movie. The Lunchbox is about two lonesome individuals; Saajan Fernandes, a widower approaching his retirement and stuck in an extremely mundane, desolate life and Ila, a housewife & caring mother, neglected by her husband due to his extra-marital affair. The story is centered on the dabbawalas delivering Ila’s dabba, meant for her husband, to a wrong address, i.e. to Saajan. When she realizes that the meal she had prepared for her loving husband was eaten by someone else, she writes a small note along with the dabba the next day. Saajan writes back and the irresistibly sweet tale of the budding friendship/love of two strangers commences. They exchange notes daily sharing with each other their lives, loneliness, dreams and memories of their dear ones. Go watch the movie and don’t wait for me to let out the entire story.

Performances. We all know the genius that Irfan Khan is. In one of his best performances till date, Irfan as Saajan makes a really complex character come to life with ease. His expressions, melancholy in his eyes and his body language as a loner, right upto the slight changes in his mannerisms when he opens up to Ila and falls in love with her. Phenomenal. In one of his letters to Ila, he writes “We forget things when there is no one to tell them to”. He emancipates this, through his performance.

Nimrat Kaur as Ila, is exceptionally good. Her performance as a house wife framed by neglect, stuck within the realms of her house is near perfect. She embodies the spirit of lacs of housewives who don’t often get to experience the kind of world many of us take for granted. The couple of scenes where she interacts with her mother (played by Lilette Dubey), her subtle expressions are a treat to watch.

Nawazuddin Siddique as Shaikh gives a charming performance. Shaikh is the cheery, optimistic guy poised to take over from Saajan at work. His attempts at bonding with Saajan, in spite of the latter’s reluctance, are endearing & funny to watch. He does absolutely no harm to his claims as one of the finest actors in the country at present.  There is also Auntyji, who lives right above Ila’s house and keeps giving her tips on cooking. She is the one who gives Ila the idea to send Saajan a letter to start with. I wish I could  thank Auntyji for that, but the movie doesn't give a face to her voice.

The real hero of the movie is debutant director, Ritesh Batra and his magnificent script. In an age of whatsapp, SMSes and Social Media, he scripts a charming love story relying on hand written letters hidden in lunchboxes. His story gives one an essence of the loneliness that harbors inside an individual, in the hustle-bustle of metros and how their lives go on with the hope, that someday things will get better. His treatment of the characters shows his understanding of the complexity of human emotions. One can’t wait to see what he has in store for us next.

I’ll give The Lunchbox a 5 on 5. It is one of the best love stories ever told in Indian cinema. It teaches you about love in the most subtle of ways. Go watch it, they don’t make them like this anymore.

A Guide on How NOT to Use your Social Media!

Last week, a 20 year old young lad from Coimbatore committed suicide because he wasn't able to see Vijay's movie, Thalaiva, on the day of the release. Usually, the death of a person is reason to mourn. But this time, It was more of disgust. Three reasons -

• Why would someone kill themselves over someone who they have no emotional bond with?
• Why would someone kill themselves over something which will constitute just 3 hours of their life?
• Why would someone kill themselves at all?

What was the reason behind the young man taking such a drastic decision over a movie? Was he proving himself to be a “true fan”? Or was he just an idiot?

Nowadays, celebrity fandom is at an unimaginable high . The more one thinks of it, Social Media is the dominant reason for this. How? Let's try to think this out.

The humankind mimics, by nature. We humans subconsciously mimic when we are in a conversation with an individual, especially if they share similar interests. This is done to empathize with the speaker or the social circle or the community at large. What is to be noted is that an individual mimics through social interaction. In today's era, where social media is mightier than a pen or sword, the interaction is significantly more. People follow one another on twitter, actively argue on fan pages on Facebook and more often than not, push oneself over the edge.

10 years ago, when Social Media was in its embryonic stage and Internet was still in making its transition from from Dial-Up to Broadband, social interaction was restricted to one's actual social circle. No, not the Google + circles. People used to discuss on any topic within their circle, and the possibility of the discussion spreading across other similar groups, or going viral, was extremely remote.

Fast forward 10 years, Social Media plays the cruel parasite which has the power to not just spread any discussion to numerous social circles, but to twist, mutate and shape shift in ways the reciever wants to concieve. Chinese whisper on the web, if you may. Celebrities more often than not play the role of an Epiparasite. And we humans, play the hosts to the parasitic ambitions of Social Media. The idea is very similar to that of Meme Theory.

Everytime, a new major movie is up for release we see the twitterati explode with millions of tweets on how the movie is either going to be orgasmically good or it's going to be an insult to the intelligence of the masses. It is perfectly fine for someone to express their opinion on Social Media. But being the parasitic hosts we are, we feed these ideas onto other similar hosts (read retweets, shares, likes etc). Once the parasitic infection reaches a given level where it becomes “cool”, mimicking springs into action. People who may not even be remotely interested in being a part of the menagerie to begin with are sucked into it.

Just as this blog was being written, Sachin Tendulkar tweeted something about his support of the MARD initiative. Fair enough. The disheartening part of all this is the tweets by his so called fans. Tweets like “God is back to twitter”, “I joined twitter only to check Sachin's tweets”, “OMG, Sachin is here. My day has been made” etc were a dime a dozen. The last I checked, there was just 1 tweet supporting the Initiative as compared to 10 random, meaningless tweets? Needless to say, it is quite unnecessary.

The weeks leading upto Chennai Express's release,it was a pain looking at my TL and FB wall. It was either fans going gaga over SRK's brilliance or how it will be the worst movie in the history of the planet. Similar was the case before the release (Or Non-Release) of Thalaiva. There was this one section of Vijay “fans” bickering about how they will watch the movie FDFS and watch it n number of times. When the news of its non-release spread, there were innumerable tweets/posts about how people won't watch any other movie till its release.

The human mind is tweaked in a way that it accepts and processes information that is readily accessible, regardless of its credibility. With a freeflow of not particularly sensible information on Social Media, our minds are subconsciously filled with what we see (Oh, she had this dessert at xyz, it looks so yummy, I wanna eat it too) or what we read (Oh, he is reading the Homer’s Illiad, what a pretentious douche) to what we engage in (Let me spam this page with racial slurs and sit back and enjoy the backlash) . It has come to a point where we fail to distinguish between what to embrace and what to ignore.

Let us not forget that social media is a wonderful tool to stay in touch with people and establish contacts, participate in healthy discussions over controversial matters and receive new perspectives of people whom you might have never even met. All we are saying is that when you post a status asking the 800 friends on your list (quarter of which you don’t know personally) “what should I eat for dinner?”, what makes you think anyone cares. You might argue that people got back to you on that post. Some suggesting what you can eat, others might’ve listed the dishes on their three-course meal and an odd one or two would’ve politely asked you to sod off.

All we are saying here is that use the tools to make something constructive or at least amusing. If you take them and bash them against one another then all you make is noise and that my dear, adds chaos in the cosmos.

PS: Thanks to +Bhavya Sharma for helping me make some sense out of this blog. 

Five Types of People You See At a Mall

Malls. Everybody loves them. The sheer variety of brands and shops in the malls makes it the United Nations of the retail world. Let’s take Chennai’s very own Phoenix as an example. We have the very Indian Big Bazaar right next to the very American Brooks Brothers. The irony of all of this being that, 90% of the people who visit malls do anything but shop.

Does that Include me? It probably does, not that it is a fault of mine. With Phoenix being a couple of hops from my place, I drop in whenever I am bored or there is a power-cut  You can’t expect me to shop every time. So, my favourite activity in malls is observing people and their idiosyncrasies. One gets to see such a vivid assortment of personalities that it seldom gets boring. Based on my observations, these are the 5 kinds of people you will certainly encounter in any mall.

The “I wear Shades, that instantly makes me about 279 times cooler than you” guy – Oh no. I have nothing against people wearing sunglasses. I mean it’s a perfectly sensible fashion statement while you are out there in the sun or on a beach. But wearing sunglasses inside a mall which has a fair blast of Air conditioning and enough provision to prevent sunrays from permeating inside? That is as wannabe as it gets. These guys can often be seen in tight tees, faded jeans, a ‘cool’ chain with some weird pendant dangling around their necks and sneakers on their feet. The strut in their walk is enough for people to mistake them to be the owner of at least one of the shops. The truth is you will seldom see them carrying even a single shopping bag. They are too cool for shopping now, aren't they?.

The “Isn’t this the Lakme Fashion Week?” girl – There is a section of the female sex which believes that one needs to get decked up in the best possible party clothes to visit a mall on a dull Thursday evening. Why? No one will ever know. These girls are often seen in small clusters, walking ever so slowly, blocking the entire corridor and forcing the people behind them to slow down in their endeavors. They can be found in stores like The Body Shop, Chemistry, Enamor, Parcos etc. Unlike the cool dude above, these pretty lasses do tend to shop at times.

The Big Bazaar family – “Papa, I want to buy that black skirt from Zara”. “Beta, you will get the same stuff in Big Bazaar for half the price. Why waste money?”. The family that stays together, shops together. In Big Bazaar. For them, Big Bazaar = Mall. You got to give it to them, for anything you get inside a mall, is also available in Big Bazaar, and at a much lesser price. Big Bazaars are strategically located besides the car park in malls. So, the BB family (No, not Blackberry) parks their car, goes to Big Bazaar, gets their groceries for the month, buys 2 black skirts for Rs.1200 rather than one from Zara at Rs.2000, collects their freebies and shoots back home. Happy Family, Economic Family. Mall gaya bhaad mai Family.

This is what a Mall will look like when people come just to shop. Deserted.

The Food Court gang – “Live to eat” is passé. “Live to eat in Food Courts” is the new mantra. Or At least that's what a certain percentage of people live by. These people come in a raucous gang of at least 4, roam through each and every corridor the mall has to offer, but never get inside any shop. After an hour or so spent wafting, the Food Court beckons them. They spend at least 2 hours here. The money they spend in eating and wasting food in one day will be enough to pay the credit card bills of an average American. Once they are done gorging, they spend an hour more wafting in the corridors to ensure indigestion stays away. A day well spent.

The Photographers – Save the best for the last they say. I say, save the most annoying for the last. Yes, this bunch of people is the most annoying lot that exists in a mall. These people are proof that smartphones or DSLRs and douchebags is a match made in the sacred garden of tomfoolery.  How else does one justify people getting their photos clicked in front of absolutely any form of art, banners of brands, with a can of pepsi, with a pizza in hand and what not? How else is blocking the entire corridor for a good minute just to get the perfect pic clicked rational? How else is getting yourself clicked in a dress which you have absolutely no idea of buying, with a stupid duckface excusable? And finally, how else does a ‘wearing shades and staring into the distance’ pose make sense inside a freaking mall? There should be an exclusive photography zone in each mall to quench the thirst of this bunch. The malls will be a much better place then.