Relationships and Choice Blindness

Choice Blindness is a highly prominent psychology study that tries to explain how and why people make their choices. When we make choices, we try our best to defend by providing a vivid assortment of reasons. But do we actually know why we choose what we choose, or are we just blind to our preferences?

Peter Johansson, a renowned psychologist conducted an experiment in this regard. The results suggest that Choice Blindness falls under a much broader phenomenon, known Introspective Illusion. Most of us think that we know why we like a certain something, or why we feel the way we do. But the truth is, we are unaware of the origins of our own mental state, more often than not. And when we are pressed hard for an explanation for our choices/preferences, we just make things up. Or should I say, our brain makes things up for us.

Now, let’s look at the one thing which, according to me, is the most important part of our lives. Relationships. The friends we make and the special one we find for ourselves; once, twice, thrice, that depends on the individual. Think of that one closest friend of yours, or your better half. Now, try to think of why he/she is your best friend or how he did/she turn out to be your better half. You might come up with answers like they are interesting, share common interests, share common enemies, both of you like the same pizza, he/she is the most attractive person you know etc. Now, think this. Is it really true that of all the people you have met or come across, they are the only ones who share common interests with you, or are indeed the most Interesting people you have met? Are they indeed the most attractive person you know , or the person you think best fits your interests? Think a bit more, and you will almost certainly come up with a NO.

Why does this happen? How is that you choose that one person as your best friend or your better half, when you can be pretty sure that they actually aren't the best fit, and the reasons you gave are bullshit? Well, you can’t really blame yourself. It’s your brain that’s doing the dirty work for you, Choice Blindness to be more precise. You are oblivious to the choices you make, and when asked about the reasons, you try to justify yourselves with the random gibberish. That is the beauty of relationships, and that is how the best of relationships are forged.

However, Choice Blindness doesn't always happen. There are times when we should be seeking rationale before making our choices. For example, while going to buy a TV we can’t switch ourselves off and let the brain take the decision on its own. That has the potential to lead to a disastrous purchase decision. But when it comes to relationships, I believe seeking rationale or trying to justify it is often the cause of it breaking down. The more reason and/or justification we try to put forth for our friendship/relationship, it just means that the bond is weak and you would actually be better off without it.

And this, following from my previous blog, is why one should never seek for love or look to “make” friends. Because once you do that, you would actually be having preconceived notions and expectations on how the other person should be, and that will quite certainly, never lead to a happy, successful relationship. Yes, It is very much easier said than done, But as I have said earlier, just go with the flow. Your brain will do the rest ;)