5 Character Traits of Most On-Site Returnees

As soon as dreamy eyed kid enters into one of the gazillion engineering colleges in India and looks up in the sky to see a jet flying in the skies, he pictures himself flying in one of those to Amreeka a few years down the line on an “on-site” visit. Joining an IT company and getting an on-site opportunity is the ultimate goal for most of these sheeps. It doesn’t really matter if they’re asked to clean the desks, every morning, at their client location or design & build the next big software to help the US Government clear their debts. As long as they get to go to the US, it floats their boat. Because,it is their holy grail, their makki di roti & sarson da saag, their reason for existence, their cappuccino with 3 shots of espresso, you do get what I mean..

I don’t have much against the idea as such. It helps people travel for free, get a chance to go to most of US tourist spots for dirt cheap, lets them post statuses of them “partying in Vegas”, “Awed by the Grand Canyon”, “Enjoying my first snowfall” or “Chilling in Florida”, post pics with bikini clad girls in their background, and basically give their “less successful” friends an immense inferiority complex. Good for them. It all starts going haywire when they are done with their assignment there and pack their bags back home. They, along with their new found antics, start becoming a pain in the posterior. So, before I become a pain up the posterior section of your anatomy, let me cut short on my relentless bitching and get to the point.

So, apart from an increased value in the matrimonial market, these are a few distinctly annoying character traits of these on-site returnees. I’m pretty sure anyone who has spent a reasonable amount of time in an IT company will be able to relate to these.

1 . Drinking Coffee in mugs: Now, this isn’t annoying per se, but the change in this aspect of their personality is, let me call it fascinating? They believe not using the paper cups that the free coffee machines in their office has to offer will help them in their pursuit of impersonating a sophisticated “US Return”. These mugs usually have “I <3 NY” or a Mount Rushmore photo imprinted on it. Their justification to it is “Dude, I’m being environment friendly here”. Oh yea? I saw you smoking a cigarette and throwing the stub on the road after you had done a bit of Graffiti on the neighborhood wall, if you know what I mean. So, STFU, “dude”.

2 . Random, Multiple Accents: Ok, now this is annoying. Personally, I firmly believe that it is next to impossible to naturally cultivate an accent after just a year or 2 of staying in the US. Well, I get it that you are in the pursuit of impersonating a sophisticated “US Return”, but will you stick to one accent to make it look a bit authentic? If you swing between a Mid-Western to a Texan to an Irish accent all within a few sentences, even Alia Bhatt can find out that you are faking it. Just like the last girl you were with was. BURN.

3 . The” Last time I was in” syndrome: “ Last time I was in New York, I was dazzled by the Times Square”, “Last time I was in Vegas, I won a fortune at the Ceasar’s Palace”, “Last time I was at the Death Valley, I was awed by its nothingness”.  These stories are repeated so often that they become a part of office folklore. Well, a couple of things. One, you have been there just once, so your “Last time” charades, is grammatically wrong. Secondly, the “last time” you were at the Niagara Falls, why didn’t anyone push you into it?

4 . They swear by the dollar: Heads to the sabzi mandi to get some potatoes, his wife has to listen to “Honey, we used to get potatoes for a dollar and 50 cents in the US”. Heads out for a drink with colleagues, “You know beer was dirt cheap in the US, you got a pint for 2 dollars”. Out for Diwali shopping with family, “Ah c’mon, we used to get a 50 inch tv for just 400 dollars in the US”. Ok, News Flash. We understand you were in the US, charming your clients with your antics. But now, you are in India. So, just stop, mate, because the only thing dollar about you currently is the brand of the undergarments you wear.

5 . Random spurts of Patriotic Fervour: I believe in giving credit where it’s due. Quite a few of these phoren returns tend to come back a bit more socially and politically aware. Despite all their shenanigans and the pursuit of the sophisticated US return look, deep down they tend to get a bit more attached to their motherland. How many times do we hear from them “Man, all said and done, it’s not quite like India there. Woh baat nahi hai”. They may still not do much shit about things, other than talking. They may still talk in pathetic accents and voice their US stories to anyone who would listen. But their heart gets a bit more Indian.

Anything else you guys can think of? The last time I checked, the comments section is the place to be for you.