Five Types of People You See At a Mall

Malls. Everybody loves them. The sheer variety of brands and shops in the malls makes it the United Nations of the retail world. Let’s take Chennai’s very own Phoenix as an example. We have the very Indian Big Bazaar right next to the very American Brooks Brothers. The irony of all of this being that, 90% of the people who visit malls do anything but shop.

Does that Include me? It probably does, not that it is a fault of mine. With Phoenix being a couple of hops from my place, I drop in whenever I am bored or there is a power-cut  You can’t expect me to shop every time. So, my favourite activity in malls is observing people and their idiosyncrasies. One gets to see such a vivid assortment of personalities that it seldom gets boring. Based on my observations, these are the 5 kinds of people you will certainly encounter in any mall.

The “I wear Shades, that instantly makes me about 279 times cooler than you” guy – Oh no. I have nothing against people wearing sunglasses. I mean it’s a perfectly sensible fashion statement while you are out there in the sun or on a beach. But wearing sunglasses inside a mall which has a fair blast of Air conditioning and enough provision to prevent sunrays from permeating inside? That is as wannabe as it gets. These guys can often be seen in tight tees, faded jeans, a ‘cool’ chain with some weird pendant dangling around their necks and sneakers on their feet. The strut in their walk is enough for people to mistake them to be the owner of at least one of the shops. The truth is you will seldom see them carrying even a single shopping bag. They are too cool for shopping now, aren't they?.

The “Isn’t this the Lakme Fashion Week?” girl – There is a section of the female sex which believes that one needs to get decked up in the best possible party clothes to visit a mall on a dull Thursday evening. Why? No one will ever know. These girls are often seen in small clusters, walking ever so slowly, blocking the entire corridor and forcing the people behind them to slow down in their endeavors. They can be found in stores like The Body Shop, Chemistry, Enamor, Parcos etc. Unlike the cool dude above, these pretty lasses do tend to shop at times.

The Big Bazaar family – “Papa, I want to buy that black skirt from Zara”. “Beta, you will get the same stuff in Big Bazaar for half the price. Why waste money?”. The family that stays together, shops together. In Big Bazaar. For them, Big Bazaar = Mall. You got to give it to them, for anything you get inside a mall, is also available in Big Bazaar, and at a much lesser price. Big Bazaars are strategically located besides the car park in malls. So, the BB family (No, not Blackberry) parks their car, goes to Big Bazaar, gets their groceries for the month, buys 2 black skirts for Rs.1200 rather than one from Zara at Rs.2000, collects their freebies and shoots back home. Happy Family, Economic Family. Mall gaya bhaad mai Family.

This is what a Mall will look like when people come just to shop. Deserted.

The Food Court gang – “Live to eat” is passé. “Live to eat in Food Courts” is the new mantra. Or At least that's what a certain percentage of people live by. These people come in a raucous gang of at least 4, roam through each and every corridor the mall has to offer, but never get inside any shop. After an hour or so spent wafting, the Food Court beckons them. They spend at least 2 hours here. The money they spend in eating and wasting food in one day will be enough to pay the credit card bills of an average American. Once they are done gorging, they spend an hour more wafting in the corridors to ensure indigestion stays away. A day well spent.

The Photographers – Save the best for the last they say. I say, save the most annoying for the last. Yes, this bunch of people is the most annoying lot that exists in a mall. These people are proof that smartphones or DSLRs and douchebags is a match made in the sacred garden of tomfoolery.  How else does one justify people getting their photos clicked in front of absolutely any form of art, banners of brands, with a can of pepsi, with a pizza in hand and what not? How else is blocking the entire corridor for a good minute just to get the perfect pic clicked rational? How else is getting yourself clicked in a dress which you have absolutely no idea of buying, with a stupid duckface excusable? And finally, how else does a ‘wearing shades and staring into the distance’ pose make sense inside a freaking mall? There should be an exclusive photography zone in each mall to quench the thirst of this bunch. The malls will be a much better place then.