You know you are getting Old when ...

You are on the streets walking it down to catch up with a friend. You see a bunch of kids playing cricket, reminiscing you of the good old days. As you day dream, one of the kids hits a beautiful on drive and the ball trickles down to the fence, and comes to a halt near your feet. A loud chorus ensues “Uncle Ball dena”. You look around, there is no uncle in sight. You continue pacing down, when the same chorus goes “Uncle, please ball dena”. This time you get that ugly feeling. Could it be me? You give the kids a quizzical “Who me?” look. The kids yell “Yes Uncle”. Three times. What has my life come to. You pick up the ball and throw it back to them. The kids go “Thank You Uncle”. It wasn't just the ball which was hit for a four, but your mental well-being too.

Welcome to the age of Mid-twenties. When you are not sure if you are still young enough to be called “bhaiya” or you have just about touched the ‘u’ of “uncle”. Quite a few other things happen to an individual at this age which makes one feel “wtf dude, Am I really THAT old?”. So, you know you are getting old when –

• Your favourite cricketer is younger than you. We would have started off idolizing Sachin, Dravid and Ganguly. Now with all of them gone (Well, Almost gone), we have become fans of Pujaras, Kohlis and Jadejas. Umm Ok, Not Jadeja. The point here being our favourite current cricketers are either few yours younger, or of the same age. And No, It doesn't feel good.
• Your college classmates start getting married, and a few of them even have kids. A hard hitting fact. Personally, most of the girls in my class have tied the nuptial knot and a few guys have started with the procession too. One can never say If they are in a hurry, or Is it actually time.
• When you realize that 1990s was a good 20 years back. We used to see Disney Hour, the classic Cartoon Network with actually good cartoons, the night time MGM movies in CN, aahh.. the Bliss. The sad part being it is no longer just 10 years ago. It has almost been around 20 years since those glorious days.
• When you get excited about the free toys given in McD’s Happy Meal and people give you that WTF stare. Yes, those toys are not for you.
• “How’s your work going” is the conversation starter and not “Kitna hua tera”.
• Tinkle comics now cost a mind-numbing Rs.80 and Chacha Chowdhary probably doesn't even exist.
• The debutante heroines are actually much younger than you. You can’t technically have a crush on them. For Example, Alia Bhatt is just 19 years old.
• When you miss Boogie Woogie, even though Dance India Dance gives you much better quality.
• And Finally, the worst one “Dude. What Next? Not sure what to do with my Career man.”.

Nomophobia - Get Over It !

Case 1.Take a walk down any busy road. We see hordes of Ozone Layer Annihilators (Read vehicles) and then we see a sea of humanity walking with their heads bowed down. The issue here is their heads are not bowed down to check if they are treading the right path, and certainly not in humility. It’s bowed down staring away at the mean machine that is taking away all visible traces of Social Interaction.

Case 2. Take a flight to any destination. As the airplane’s wheels kisses the runway, One’s ears are treated to an imperfect symphony of beeps, tings and pings. Oh yes, its that same mean machine showing its ugly face to their owners who go about informing the world that they have just touched down. Cant it wait?

Cell phone addiction is real and scary. It is a materialistic form of substance abuse. With the smartphone industry growing at the rate of knots, the epidemic has just gotten worse. So much that Wikipedia has a separate page dedicated to Smartphone Addiction. Well Played wiki. With 6 billion active cellphone subscriptions as of October, 2012, and with thousands joining in each day, we are not far from the day when it will overtake the human population. It might already have.

So, where did this addiction come from? It starts with Cell Phones replacing almost every non-trivial thing in our daily life. We use our phones as alarm clocks, calendar, camera, entertainment hub etc. All this apart from “Connecting People” of course. The connecting people part of cell phones has also reached annoying heights, with people hooked onto messaging and calling their friends and relatives for abnormally long time periods. Actual Social interactions, and not texting or whatsapping people, has become next to non-existent.

People have become embarrassingly dependent on their mean machines. They almost feel insecure without their cell phones around them. But then if substance abuse has rehabilitation programs, this kind of addiction should be much easier to get out of isn't it? Try these few tips :

• Have a no cell phone time for yourself and stick to it. Let’s say 2 hours. Use that time to follow a hobby, learn something new or meet that friend who lives right across the street but all u do is text them.
• Use Prepaid and not postpaid connections. It might give you some sort of control.
• Smartphone users, turn off your mail notifications. No mail is that important that you have to respond to it the very next second.
• Also, switch off the facebook and twitter notifications. These apps send notifications for every damn thing, and it just increases your screen time.
• Perhaps once a week, leave your cell-phone home. The world was surviving before they entered our life and you shouldn’t face much of a problem too.
• Keep your phone in silent mode. Always. It has helped me lots personally.

 Try these small tricks. Your life will be better. Use your cell phone, and don’t let it use you. 

Oh! Just in case you are wondering, Nomophobia is the fear of being out of mobile phone contact.

Indian Culture : Moulded, Bred and Confused.

There have been many arguments erupting over the past month or so on how the impact of Western Culture on India is eroding our values. A few counter arguments suggest it is India’s Culture which is flawed and needs a makeover. If both these sides were allowed to lock horns, it would probably be a stalemate.

This brings us to a question. Is Indian Culture a cusp of the Western and Eastern Cultures, slowly inclining more towards the western end of the balance scale? Why is it that we Indians find it easier to live in countries like United States, UK or Australia than living in a country like Malaysia, Saudi Arabia or UAE, even though the latter is much more similar to us than the Western nations? Language is one of the most important determinants of Culture. English is the Business Language in India, and the preferred form of communication for a majority of the urban population. Isn’t that another box ticked in the Western Culture checklist?  So, what exactly is Indian Culture?

Let us try to break this down. When we hear Western Culture, USA and UK are the two countries which spring to mind. UK is different for it has always been an independent state. USA was a British state and it gained independence in 1776 from the Kingdom of Great Britain. Prior to the British Empire, which started roughly in the early 1600’s with the invasion of Bermuda, America was inhabited by Native Americans who were nomadic and not particularly “civilized”.  So, with the British settlers coming in there was a sea change in America. It gained independence from the British Empire in 1776. That is a good 230 odd years ago. So, the current USA civilization, and even the UK is quite old and has had significant amount of time to adapt, develop and cultivate its own culture, i.e. the Western Culture.

If we talk about India, the Culture is a direct derivative of the Vedas, Hinduism’s oldest scriptures. These scriptures were written way back in around 1700-1100 BC. Since then, India has gone through the Persian and Greek invasions, Maurya dynasty, the Kushan Empire, the Gupta Empire etc in the medieval period.  Moving on to the early modern era. In 1600s, Mughals and Marathas were ruling over the Indian subcontinent, followed by the British Raj from the 1800s till India’s independence in 1947. Hence, by the time India had gained Independence, it had gone through a multitude of cultures and the real Indian Culture was nonexistent. It was a new India now.

The new India is just 66 years old. In Country years, it is quite young. India’s civilization is still evolving and is just about reaching the stage when it has started adopting and developing its own Culture. If one goes through the American History, it wasn’t until the latter part of 1900s that USA truly started developing into the nation it is today. Secondly, India has had many a cultural influences on it over its history. Considering 1600 to be the baseline period for Modern History, USA had the Influence of only the British settlers. India had the Mughals, Marathas, the British Raj and many other small kingdoms south of the country. These varied influences gave varied cultures in different parts of India. There was no one single culture for India as a country. Even as of today, each and every state of India has its own language, cuisine, music, i.e. Culture.

There are also social and economic reasons for cultural cocktail in India. India opened its economy to the world in 1990, and that was also the time when the dotcom revolution was taking shape. By 2000, Internet was gaining social acceptance in India and was moving from a luxury to necessity. Young India was exposed to Western Culture and they embraced it because it was “cool”. The connect with the Rest of the World was quite literally a touch away. The same is not true with USA or UK. They were seldom exposed to the Rest of the World when they were developing as a nation. With the increased exposure, people in India were also willing to invest in foreign products and education, hence further broadening their awareness of foreign, i.e. Western Culture. All this whilst sticking to their roots, or at least trying to. Further confusions for us poor Indians.

India as of now is a confused nation caught between the “Let’s get back to our roots” and “Lets endorse Western Culture” frames of thought. Considering the various things going on in India, it isn’t necessarily a good place to be in. Going back to the roots and endorsing the “real” Indian Culture is not a practically viable option. Completely adopting the Western Culture will make India lose its real identity, and is again not the most viable option. Entering its 67th year as an independent nation, India is reaching a stage where it is beginning to adopt the best of both cultures. The New Indian Culture if one may.

It is high time India stops harping on the Western vs Eastern debate. A person going to a temple early in the morning, in a sari or dhoti and having Dosas or Dhoklas for breakfast, is as much cultured as a person going to a night club in jeans or gowns and having a drink or chowmein. The “esteemed” politician, higher authorities and a vast majority of the Indian Population who declare that India should shun Western Culture need to understand that Culture doesn’t commit crimes; it’s the individual’s mindset which does. Culture ain’t got anything to do with it. India with a mix of both cultures will do just about fine; it’s our minds which needs some cleansing. Jaago India Jaago.

Delhi - Start Behaving Yourselves

I am proud Indian. Have always been, will always be. For the past few days though, I feel like I have been let-down  The beautiful girl from Delhi who was brutally gang-raped breathed her last yesterday morning in Singapore. Tributes poured in, Candle Marches all over India, plethora of blogs just like this one, but what mattered was “Damini” had lost the battle. The score now stands at India – 0 Rapists – 1 (Would be much more, but will keep it at 1).

I digged out a few numbers and found out that barring the “Western” and “Civilized” societies of USA, UK and Australia, where Date rapes and Under-age sex, which also constitutes to rape, is incredibly high at about 40%, it is India which has the maximum number of rapes. 2011 stats suggest that Delhi by itself is responsible for about 2.3% of the total rapes in India. This is without taking into account the nearby NCR region. The number would then be around 4%. Shocking numbers for a region which is home to one of the nation's premium universities, and is considered to be a hippy and the “place to be” for youngsters.

I came across this yesterday and have read quite a few articles about the safety of women in New Delhi. Reading these accounts, It is scary to imagine the plight of women in that region. Being able to walk the roads without any fear should be the basic right of a human being. Not getting it in a democratic country is extremely sad. There are rapes happening in Mumbai, Chennai, Kolkata, heck even Los Angeles, London and Sydney. But rarely do we see women being scared of venturing into the roads at late hours in these cities. The whole of India has a patriarchal Society, So where does Delhi get this ridiculous mindset from? Why are women treated like Objects?

The problem isn't the Patriarchal Society as such. The problem lies in what people make out of such a society, and what they are taught by the buzurg and their peers. The roots of a patriarchal society is stemmed around Men protecting their women and not Men being superior to women. New Delhi on the other hand seems to be following Aristotle's line of thought. Aristotle's works depict women as “morally, intellectually and physically  inferior to men. He believed a woman's role to be that of reproduction and serving men in the household. This is the attitude that men in Delhi flaunt. They are of the belief that the female sex is morally obligated to get laid by them, and If she doesn't they are morally obligated to "punish" her. I have never been in Delhi and hence may not be the right person to give you an accurate view of what goes on in Delhi. But this video and the gang-rape incident are examples enough to give one an idea of the narrow mindedness that runs in the veins of Delhites.

Though there have been quite a few rapes and molestation incidents, the brutality of this one brought out the fire in many an Indian. Protests, violent and non violent, were staged in Delhi and other parts of India too. The reach of this incident was so widespread that Robin Van Persie's celebration after his goal against West Bromwich Albion was initially presumed to be a dedication to the rape victim. The protests may at max lead to a speedy resolution of this case. But unless there is a change in the fickle-headed minds of “Men” in Delhi, the rapes will go on. Delhi already has the dubious distinction of being the Rape Capital of India. If this goes on, It may well go up the pecking order and get a similar recognition across the globe.

It is often said in Sports that the Captain should lead from the front. Same goes for you Mr.Capital City. Behave yourselves Delhi. The World is Watching you. We don't want India's name to be stained because of you. 

P.S: I am not defending the existence of Patriarchal Society. I truly believe in Gender Equality. I just believe that It is not possible to change the set up as a whole, it will take decades to do that. We just have to make the best of what exists now. 

What If EPL went the IPL way?

The IPL has a new team, or rather a refurbished team. SunRisers Hyderabad. Yes, a highly ridiculous name for a Sports Team, but they kind of made up for it with their Logo. The IPL menagerie will continue to have 9 teams and will continue to be 2.5 decades long.

The auction is scheduled for Feb 3^rd when 37 players will go under the hammer. That’s a pretty good way of putting it because I feel that’s exactly what happens to the player’s dignity when teams bid for them. It gets hammered. And the players who are left unsold, its one solid hit right on the middle of their head with a Huge hammer.

I got this random idea the other day. What if the Barclays Premier League were to be remodeled based on the IPL? What if say Sir Alex Ferguson did a Lalit Modi? What if the UK wanted to get rid of the highly structured and Century old League Football structure and make way for a more snazzy, sexy, youthful Carlsberg UK Premier League? Sounds fun right?

Lets look at how things would have shaped up in the Carlsberg UK Premier League :

• Clubs would be named Manchester MoonWalkers, Manchester Super Fakers (The Other Manchester club i.e.),Chelsea Knight Sackers, Liverpool Historians, Arsenal Untitled, Tottenham Daredevils etc.
• The team mascots would be people like Robert Pattinson, Jude Law, Kate Beckinsale, Daniel Radcliffe etc.
• "You Will Never Walk Alone", "Glory Glory Manchester United", "Good Ole Arsenal" etc will be replaced by crappier theme songs with Robert Pattinson dancing in it. 
• The cheerleaders will be actually Hot.
• Vijay Mallaya would have tried to bid for a team just because he can (Or Can he?).
• There will be a camera fitted into the football to help viewers get into the game. Lets name it the FootCam.

Players & Auctions  :

• Lionel Messi will be the most sought after player, but he will withdraw from the auctions because he likes only “Pure” Football. No Messi = No Xavi, No Iniesta. 
• Cristiano Ronaldo will hence finally become the most sought after player for a change, and will finally get the money he thinks he deserves. Balon d'or will continue to be just a dream though.
• David Beckham will make his comeback to English football as an Icon player for Manchester MoonWalkers.
• Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, Paul Scholes, Ryan Giggs will be the other Icon Players.
• Arsenal Untitled will do a Rajasthan Royals and bid only for young English talent. Paolo Maldini will be their Icon player.
• Mario Balotelli will command the highest price for reasons unknown (When Jadeja can, why not Balotelli).
• Players like Andy Caroll, Kieran Gibbs and other young English talent will become the flavour of the nation after performing in one match. Equivalent of the Yusuf Pathans and Manish Pandeys. 
• Internationals like Samir Nasri, Robin Van Persie, Ibrahamovic will have a standoff with their national team because they don't want to miss the UPL for International commitments. Money Matters for them.
• Players like David Seaman, Alan Shearer, Roberto Carlos, Roy Keane, Cafu will come out of retirement hoping for a 2^nd Football life. They will play the first season and will continue as a "mentor" for the remaining seasons.
• Fernando Torres will still be shit. 

Changes in Rules :

• Football will now be played in 2 halves of 30 minutes each. A shortened format increases interest level doesn't it?
• A goal scored from outside the box will equate to 2 goals.
• There will be a strategic timeouts after the 12.5 and 25 minute mark of each half.
• Substitutions will now be made on the fly.
• A goal of a corner will be called an O2 kamaal goal.
• A goal of a free kick will be called Coca Cola Stunner goal.
• A penalty will be Barclays moment of success.

Fan Reactions :

• The usually loyal English football fans will now start supporting teams based on their favourite players and not their own city.
• The elderly fans and purists will start blaming the Carlsberg UPL for demise of classical football.
• The English national team fans will now have a certified excuse to cover up their national team’s ineffectiveness. “Too much of UPL has made the players money minded, They are just not committed”

What else would change in the EPL? Comments please !!!!

RajniKanth Day in History !!

December 12^th, 1950 is one of the most important days in the history of mankind. After all Shivaji Rao Gaikwad aka RajniKanth was born on that day. He turns 62 today and millions of fans are celebrating. No better treat for them than the release of Sivaji in 3D. RajniKanth is not just the SuperStar, he has become a cultural Icon. Tamil Cinema = RajniKanth.

I can go on with the adulation  but moving on. Being RajniKanth day, there have been many more landmark events which have changed the course of history in some way or the other on December 12^th.  Nothing more altering than his birth of course, but you do get what I mean. So, here is looking at a few of those events :

1901: Gugliemo Marconi succeeded in sending the first ever transatlantic radio transmission. He had transmitted the Morse Code Signal for letter S from Cornwall, England to Newfoundland, Canada , Over 2000 miles apart. He disapproved the cynics who believed that the curvature of earth would limit transmission to 200 miles or less. This was Marconi’s way of Rajnikanthing the non-believers. What’s more, he received the nobel prize in Physics in 1909 for the same. Only because he did this on 12^th December.

1912: The original Mona Lisa painting was recovered 2 years after its theft from the Louvre Museum in Paris. It was recovered in Florence, from the hotel room of an Italian waiter by the name of Vincenzo Peruggia. Legend has it that on Dec 12^th of the previous 2 years, Vincenzo heard booming voices in his room which went something like “Kanna, I am coming”. He ignored the first 2 warnings, but the 3^rd one was a bit too much for him and he left the painting unhidden in his room to make it easier for the search party. Though unproven, you know it’s true.   

1943: Tide detergent was introduced. The detergent which gives you the whitest of white. How did they get the formula to make such a detergent? They just got lucky that their launch date coincided with RajniKanth day. 

1963: Kenya gained independence from the British forces. Kenya African National Union (KANU) headed by Jomo Kenyatta took over the country. Why did it happen? RajniKanth on his 13^th birthday wanted a lion as a gift. His parents asked him to go get it. He swam his way from Mumbai to Nairobi. As the clock struck 12, RajniKanth had reached the Kenyan shores. The British knew it was a lost cause. You know what happened next.

1981: Yuvraj Singh was born. How do you think he managed to hit those 6 sixes against Stuart Broad? How do you think he managed to win the World Cup for India, in spite of not being in the best of health? How do you think he can hit sixes so effortlessly? You really want me to answer these questions? I am sure you know why.

And just in case you want some more trivia, Washington DC and New Delhi, the capitals of the two biggest democracies, i.e. USA and India were established as capitals on this very day. Washington in 1800 and Delhi in 1911. I am sure you won’t ever forget this now.  

My First Marathon- Ok, 10km Run !!

I am a pretty lazy individual. Someone who wanted to do things, but later. Walking from my house to the nearby market was a strict no at most times. So, running a marathon was going to be as tough as Pi Patel’s rendezvous with Richard Parker.

I came to know about the Wipro Chennai Marathon a few days ago. Though I was not much confident of doing any good in it, I just had to give it a shot. After all , this couldn't be done later. There were 3 categories. I chose the 10km run. The full and half marathons were never going to be my thing. Riding 42kms on a bike is hellacious, I mean how could I possibly walk/run that much. Having done 5-6kms on the treadmill, 10km was just a bit further. I was pretty “confident” of doing it.

2^nd of December was the D-Day. IIT Madras was the venue. The entire course was within the beautiful IIT campus. The run was to begin at 7:00 AM. I was there at 6:30 and joined my fellow runners who were doing their Warm-ups, choreographed by an instructor. I was joined by a couple of my friends, who were inevitably late. A shot of an energy drink and a banana later, we were all set. As the countdown trickled down to zero, off we were along with hundreds of fellow runners. It was showtime.

The first couple of kilometers went pretty well. The adrenaline was pumping and the confidence of finishing the run was growing. The legs held up well and weren’t behaving funny as yet. As we reached the first fueling station, around 3 and a bit kilometers from the start line, things were just getting a bit tougher. Jogging had been replaced by more of walking. Though the stamina was still there, legs were starting to make noises of their own. Every passing kilometer made it more of a “mind over body” matter. I pushed, pushed and pushed, alternating between jogging and walking.

The finish line made its much sought after appearance, and so did a bit adrenaline rush. A dash to the finish line was made, and when I did cross the line, immense satisfaction. Being able to complete the run was an incredible achievement in itself for me, considering that I never practiced even a bit and the longest distance I have ever walked in my life wouldn’t have been more than 3kms.

A special shout out to Wipro and other organizers. The marathon was organized quite brilliantly and It was great fun to be a part of it. The IIT campus was as beautiful as it has always been, making the run extremely easy on the eyes. The Chennai weather too was extremely considerate and spared us from exhaustion due to heat. Overall, it was a Sunday well spent.

I did make a 10km run sound like a hike to Mount Everest, but that was how difficult I had considered it to be. Now that I succeeded in getting done with it, I have my sights set on the next marathon event. This time, with some practice, I might just give the Half Marathon a shot.